Well i have not posted for a while,so this is what has been happening in my life. I am back to work and things are kinda slow getting started.I really think i want to make a change this year with work. I have been thinking of studying for the real estate exam and getting my real estate license. it's just a thought right now...i just know something has to change. something.

I have had some health issues too. my stomach has been acting up.i'm not sure what is wrong but i have an appt on tues. to have a complete physical. i pray i don't find out anything i am not ready to deal with. but i am 41 and it is better to know where my health stands.i'm kinda scared.

I am staying sober and going to my meetings. last weekend i went to hollywood to a NA convention. it was fun except my stomach was acting up and i spent sat night in the hotel room.

Ray has been coming around again. hence the title of this blog post.I love him so much...but nothing has changed. he is not ready to stop using. he only has time for me at his convenience. i have been trying to talk to him about what he wants in his life,but he doesn't want to really get into it. i remember when i was using that was the last thing i wanted to talk about. I can't shake these feelings i have for him. i feel like we were meant to be together.i think he is gonna get better. i love him.i can't save him.we were supposed to go to dinner tonight and he didn't show up or call. i know i deserve better than that. i went to dinner by myself.