THANKS EVERYONE WHO GAVE A COMMENT ON MY LAST POST. YOUR ADVICE AND CONCERN MEAN ALOT TO ME. AN UNBIASED OPINION IS A BIG HELP. SO REALLY ,THANK YOU AGAIN. WELL MY SON AND I HAVE HAD A CHANCE TO TALK ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED BETWEEN HIM AND I IN REGARD TO THE "RAY" ISSUE. HE STILL STANDS FIRM ON HOW HE FEELS ABOUT IT , BUT WAS SINCERLEY APPOLOGETIC ABOUT HOW HE CAME AT ME . HE FELT HE HAD TO BE SO EXTREME TO GET HIS POINT ACROSS.HE HAS TO ATTEND ANGER MANAGEMENT CLASSES BECAUSE OF THE EVENTS THAT HAPPENED THE OTHER DAY WITH HIM AND JAZMIN, SO I AM HOPING HE WILL LEARN SOME BETTER WAYS TO EXPRESS HIS ANGER, AND HOW TO COMMUNICATE HIS FEELINGS BETTER.

NOW TODAY JAZMIN CALLED AND WANTED ME TO COME OVER TO TALK ABOUT THINGS. SO I WENT.I HAD TO DO ALOT OF PRAYING TO FIND THE ANSWERS ON HOW TO ADDRESS THE FACT THAT SHE BETRAYED MY CONFIDENCE BY TELLING MY SON ABOUT RAY. I WAS VERY ANGRY BUT I HAVE LET THAT GO AND HAVE FORGIVEN HER EVEN BEFORE SHE CALLED ME TO COME OVER. I HAVE LEARNED THAT HOLDING RESENTMENTS AND ANGER IS VERY UNHEALTHY. I REALIZED THAT TELLING HER A SECRET THAT I KNEW Would BE DEVASTATING TO MY SON IF HE FOUND OUT WAS WRONG. WRONG. WRONG. WRONG!.MY INTENTIONS AT THE TIME I TOLD HER WERE TO BUILD A TRUST BETWEEN US. I WANTED HER TO FEEL THAT I TRUSTED HER, SO THAT SHE IN TURN WOULD TRUST ME. BUT THAT WAS A BAD MOVE ON MY PART. SO I TAKE RESPONSIBILITY FOR MY PART IN THAT. ANYWAYS SHE APOLIGIZED AND I ACCEPTED AND I JUST WANT TO MOVE ON FROM THERE. NEEDLESS TO SAY I HAVE LEARNED FROM MY MISTAKE.

NOW I AM STILL LEFT WITH MY OWN ISSUE WITH RAY. AS LUCY SAID THESE ARE TWO VERY DIFFERENT THINGS GOING ON, EVEN THO THEY DID GET LINKED TOGETHER IN A WAY. I HAVE NOT SEEN RAY YET TO TELL HIM THAT IT IS BEST THAT WE DON'T SEE EACHOTHER ANYMORE.A PART OF ME DOES NOT WANT TO DO THAT!! BUT I CANNOT CONTINUE ON WIYH HIM IF HE IS STILL USING. HE IS FOR SURE GOING TO FEEL I AM DOING THIS BECAUSE OF MY SON. HE WILL SAY "WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM TELL YOU WHAT IS BEST FOR YOU?!" HE WILL SAY"SAME OLE SHIT, YOUR SON CONTROLS YOUR LIFE!" HE WILL SAY MORE THAN THAT I AM SURE. BUT THE THE BOTTOM LINE IS NO MATTER HOW IT CAME TO LIGHT AT THIS MOMENT DOESN'T MATTER. IT IS NOT A HEALTHY THING FOR ME TO BE WITH SOMEONE WHO IS USING!!!!! EVEN IF IT IS ONLY ONCE A WEK THAT I SEE HIM, I GET VERY EMOTIONALLY ATTACHED AND I START GETTING THE IDEA THAT I CAN SAVE HIM OR CHANGE HIM OR START THINKING HE WILL LOVE ME AGAIN SO MUCH THAT HE WILL WANT TO CHANGE. AND I KNOW FROM EXPERIENCE THAT CHANGE OCCURS WHEN ONE IS READY TO DO IT FOR THEMSELF. I AM SO READY TO GIVE THE BEST THAT I HAVE TO SOMEONE AND I DONT WANT TO GIVE IT TO SOMEONE THAT IS JUST UNABLE TO GIVE IT BACK. AND I THINK I WANT THAT SO BAD THAT I JUST MIGHT MAKE THAT MISTAKE. .... SO THINGS DO HAPPEN FOR A REASON AND MY SON FINDING OUT AND POURING HIS HEART OUT TO ME,MAY HAVE BEEN MY WAKE UP CALL. BACAUSE THERE IS NO ONE MORE IMPORTANT TO ME THAN MY SON.AND COMING FROM ANYONE ELSE WOULD NOT HAVE THE SAME IMPACT. ANYWAYS......FOR ANYONE THAT IS READING, THANK YOU FOR EVEN HAVING AN INTEREST IN WHAT IS GOING ON. IT IS SO HELPFUL TO ME TO BE ABLE TO EXPRESS MYSELF LIKE THIS. ONCE AGAIN JUST FOR TODAY I AM GOING THRU LIFES UPS AND DOWNS AND I DO NOT HAVE TO USE A DRUG OR TAKE A DRINK TO GET THRU IT. THANK YOU GOD. MUCH LOVE, JUST 4 TODAY GIRL